My whole life I've been wandering around with one type of question circulating through my head.
"Will someone ever understand me?"
"Will someone TRY to understand me?"
"Am I truly alone in this huge, scary world filled with 7 billion human beings?"
Naturally, a much simpler thought never occurred to me: What if I feel lonely because of other reasons? What if the holy grail I'm so desperately searching for isn't the understanding of other people?
A couple of days ago, a friend I ironically don't know that well turned out to not only understand me - she apparently shares every single personality trait I thought NOBODY would ever relate to. And this fact...
Didn't make me any wiser. It more than anything felt like a groundbreaking discovery the scientist within me would receive the nobel prize for. But at the same time, I simply sat on my butt thinking;
"Now what?"
After 24 years of searching I've finally found the Holy Grail I've been searching for. Yet it feels like nothing had changed. Nothing at all.
Why?
Why can't we ever feel some goddamn closure?
It has become clear to me. I'm not interested in being understood. I'm not interested in people always understanding what goes through my brain 100% all of the time.
What I want is for people to respect me, and acknowledge that I'm different.
"I don't agree with your opinion Kitcha, but I can certainly see your point. Interesting!"
"You're right! I never thought about that."
"We're so different, but I like you anyway."
Stuff like that. It makes sense. I've always hated when people act like detectives and try to deduce what I'm thinking or what's going on in my life (95% of the time they're wrong). What I want is respect and acknowledgement (the correct word is 'Validation', but this lil' bastard calls for an entirely seperate blog entry by itself).
And we're all different. Maybe you also search for people to understand you. Maybe you don't. Maybe you search in vain. Maybe not.
Please tell me dear reader, what stands to be YOUR holy grail?
